The other day an appliance stopped working at the house. Hubs was out of town, so I thought I’d try my hand at fixing it – plus I wasn’t sure we’d be able to wait until he returned to fix it. I called a local shop to ask questions.
One of the first things the man on the phone asked me was, “Do you have someone handy in your house?” Euphemism for, “is there a man available?” Silly me, I didn’t catch on right away and told him that I had a very able husband. He then told me how to repair my problem. During the process I found myself asking, “wait a minute, why did someone ‘handy’ have to do this? I’m pretty sure that was sexist.” By the time I was finished, I am happy to say I fixed it successfully, I was sure the question was sexist. (And why does autocorrect think I’m trying to say “sexiest?”)
What sticks out to me is this – why didn’t I immediately realize that “handy” really meant “has certain anatomy?” That’s what makes sexism so tricky – we often don’t realize that it’s happening. To be clear, I don’t think the man on the phone was trying to be disrespectful of me as a woman. On the contrary, he was bending over backwards to be polite, but this form of politeness had the opposite effect. It demeaned me as a woman because it drew the quick assumption that I couldn’t possibly be “handy.” And because the unconscious sexism was couched so gently, I didn’t realize it was happening until it was over. Not only that, but it actually had the effect of causing me to wait a day to attempt the repair because I temporarily assumed that I needed to wait for hubs to return.
I think the only way for us to fight sexism, male and female alike, is to question things. What do I assume? How do I express that? Can I challenge my own assumptions? Can I challenge the assumptions of others? I’m not saying that we all have to be the same, but it sure would be nice if bias didn’t limit us – the bias of others or our own bias. Let’s be limitless.
Made to Work It 